You're all I need.

A Woman's Question

I am quite enthralled by this piece of poetry, about what it means to ask for a Lady's heart.

For girls, I urge you to read this as a reminder to keep your standards high. Require all things that are 'grand' and 'true'. Any guy who asks you to lower your standards isn't worth your time.

Guys, know what it means to ask for a Girl's heart. It's not a like a small boy asking for candy, it's much more beautiful and much much more costly. Understand how precious a Woman's love is, how priceless it is and NEVER take it for granted. May we earn the right to make such a request by striving to be men of integrity.

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Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life--
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be as true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts---
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did on the first
And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheeck one day;
Will you love me then, 'mid the falling leaves
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.


Lena Lathrop

Setting Boundaries.

I want to affirm my Ex-Girlfriend for what she did…

Today’s chapter in Harris’ book was about the need to set boundaries, whether you are in a relationship or just a single person interacting with the opposite gender.

Now my Ex-Gf and I have had much struggles setting boundaries in the past, and we have disobeyed some of these boundaries. Most of these boundaries, when broken, do not actually mean that we have sinned but most of the time placed us in situations for potential sin.

Things like spending too much time alone, going to each other’s place when no one is around… etc. No, we did not sin, but we placed ourselves in tempting situations that was not healthy for any of us because it did not please God.

So like I said, I was proud of my Ex. Gf. I thank this sister of mine for reminding me that day not to go to her house, although I offered to ‘just drop by’ to help in some stuff. This act has greatly encouraged me and shown a beautiful side of a lady that King Solomon describes in Proverbs 31.

I encourage and affirm this sister of mine to continue this habit of keeping her boundaries up. Not going on single dates, spending time with someone of the opposite gender (in an empty space such as a room, house or even car) is a no-no for me now, not because I am being a log or trying to be holy-moley but because I do not want to stumble myself or the opposite party.

I also remember once, that she did some things at a BBQ event, which I struggled to forgive her about and was actually very concerned. But thinking back, I choose to see the wisdom which she had also at that point of time, when she told her friends during a 'truth or dare' game that her ideal 'sexual' experience would be with her husband on the day of their marriage. ROCK ON!!!



I want to end off with what I learnt about the role of Guys and girls in Joshua Harris’ book.

Guys: “It’s time to stand up and defend the purity of our sisters like warriors, and stop acting like hunters trying to catch Girls…” Let’s not put ourselves in a setting that will stumble a girl’s emotions by being flirtatious.

Girls: Please keep us brothers pure by being mindful about how you act and what you wear. Having too much physical contact can give us wrong ideas and wearing revealing clothes causes us to stare and think impure thoughts (yep, that’s us..). Please do not stumble us and cause us to sin. Yes, it is our responsibility to exercise self-control, but you would make things really easy for us if you were modest in your dressing.

Jo

I Corinthians 13:5, Love is not self-seeking...

I prayed a little prayer for my wife today. I prayed that God will unite me with a lady that would love me not for her selfish reasons but for the reason that “God loved us first” and that He had commanded us to “love one another as He had loved us.”

Being in a past relationship of 7 years, I realized that there were many times that I found myself saying (especially recently), “Why can’t you love me more? Why must the relationship be about you?”
I began to realize today that a relationship is indeed an opportunity to demonstrate the love of Christ to my other half – that selfless love and genuine affection. It’s not about what you can do for me. Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship just because it makes us feel good and we thus become in love with ‘feeling good’, not with the other party.

I pray today that God will make me a man that will love his wife not out of selfish reasons, but out of a sacrificial love that God has granted me. I repent and ask for forgiveness at the times where I felt like I was not justified and I was not treated fairly in a relationship. I am sorry for the times where I only thought about my own emotions and myself.

There is indeed no greater love than this, that a man would give his life for a friend.

Some stuff I learnt?

I like how Joshua Harris started chapter one of his book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. He told a story about a girl’s dream, where she saw herself dressed in a white gown and walking at the altar towards her groom, her Prince Charming, her lover.

But as she became closer to that handsome chap, she saw 6 other ladies beside him, each beautiful and sexy in their own way, dressed in casual wear. All of them looking at her and waiting for her to arrive.

“Who are they?” she asked her husband-to-be.

“These are my past girlfriends…” replied the handsome chap, looking down on the floor, “I’ve given a piece of my heart to each of them”.

“But I thought you said your heart was mine?”

“It is,” he said, “Everything that is left of my heart is yours.”

BANG@@!

How do I respond to this? How would I feel if I had stood at the altar on my wedding day, with my ex-girlfriends by my side, trying to explain how I gave my heart to each of them or worse still… my virginity. How would my bride feel?

I began to realize the reason why God had prompted me to pick up this book. I need to keep myself pure and prepare myself for my future bride, so simple yet so important.

So yes, I begin to accept this as the basis of my 2-year break from dating but of course, there are other reasons that build on this basis.

Some other things that I picked up from this book:
- In my singleness (and yours too), lets begin to learn to love the opposite sex as God has loved us.
- The reward of Intimacy Is commitment (The little principle)
This teaches me that the only time I should be in a relationship is when I have the commitment to marry that someone. So with effect, if I was dating someone I have no intention, or no capability (like no finances, time, maturity) to marry, I have no right to be in a relationship with that person.

In this case, I think our break up was very much about this. That because I had no capability of getting married to you yet, that I want to break up. Only when God prompts me and has prepared me for marriage, than I shall start a relationship again.

I want this to be an encouragement to you too; that when we should not date someone until God tells us that we are ready. Seek God for the man you will be with one day.

Alright, so I am really convicted now that you should read the book. The message may get a bit lost as it is too compressed on the blog.

So yea, Read the book.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

So I found a new book recently, or rather, a book found me. How I came to find this book is a bit of a miracle really, a bit of wonder.

You see, two years ago I came across a really ‘daring’ title – “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” How it caught my attention was interesting because I was on a search for ‘counsel’ over my relationship. Naturally, I was seeking books that would keep me pure, teach me ‘Christian Stuff’ and more importantly help me look Macho (In a spiritual sense?) in front of my girl. “How the hell would a title like this teach me that???” That… was my first response to the book. I had assumed than that the book was one of those ultra spiritual “let’s-become-monks-who-will-never-touch-the-female-species” book. I expected strict rules that the author would be trying to enforce and sell to his readers and more than that I expected boredom. So since than, the only words I ever read from that book were it’s title, “I kissed dating goodbye” – Yea I did... kiss the book goodbye.

But the book has a life of it’s own and I always found myself giving a small sneer to it when I pass it on bookshelves. Imagine my amazement and curiosity when I saw the same book in ‘secular’ bookstores such as Popular in Bukit Panjang Plaza. It was even placed in the ‘bestseller’ section. Apparently the book had lots of readers. Ha! Sneer.

Than years passed. I found myself in a myriad of unfortunate experiences in my relationship. I actually cannot recall how it all started but how it ended was in a ‘short break’. Things did not get better and we decided to break up. What’s cool is that I hear from God that I needed to be left alone for two years, that I would stop dating for two years and not see anyone. How phenomenal- for a guy who has been in a relationship for almost 7years? I decided that I had to become God’s Bride again, focus on my relationship with God and not be distracted. Something like that…

THAN. It happened.

I had an urge / calling / hint / prompting / whatever you want to call it to pick up that book. Yes, the spiritual “let’s-become-monks-who-will-never-touch-the-female-species” book. I bought it from Kinokuniya, Takashimya where I found it under the ‘Bestsellers’ section (still sneering than actually).

Apparently, my decision to stop dating was the author’s same decision too. But what I also realized was the truth of the book’s content. No, no, no, it is not a monk-y book trying to be funny. It was in fact a book encouraging singles to embrace their single-ness and learn to love the opposite sex like how Christ loved us. That’s all. Flipping through the pages, I found no rules… no strict overtones of the author trying to castrate anyone.

I had been finding books on how to love my girlfriend and how to treat her like a princess. But I realized that this is a classic example of sub-consciously putting God in the backseat as I had been focusing too much on pleasing my girl and not my God.
“I kissed dating goodbye” was actually a book about how to love God and love others they was He loved us.

Over the next few days, I will be keeping an online account about the things I have learnt and the experiences I have been through.

After all, when I was dating, I loved to write poems, stories, letters to my girlfriend to tell her how beautiful she was and how much I cherished the relationship. I was in love.
Now that I am also in love (in a different way maybe), why can’t I keep a journal and write letters, poems and stories to share with others about my love story with God. Don’t worry, it’s not going to be a hey-you-stop-flirting-and-dating-or-go-to-hell blog.

May you find God’s love today.


Yours in Christ,
Josiah

To Lose one's Virginity

Finally, the palpitation of my heart the result of a fresh queer experience. Peer pressure, nay. Just a desire to try something new, to reach new heights. Maturation; to Mate.
Am I to Pride myself over something I have lost? Perhaps, but It would only be pity if I had kept it.
God created Sex. Man created Blog.
I hope I would conceive and generate new inspirations, new thoughts, creativity. So that I may not fall into Philosophical Dementia.